My turn to wander

 

Away awhile 

Ah, Friday.

 

This has been a hectic week that had a very sweet finish.

Before any of that, I'll be out of town next week. If you want threads or cloth and let me know ASAP, Monday will be my last crack at the post office until I get back.

It's been so long since I've traveled by plane that I've forgotten how to pack. New York in October can be boots or sandals and damned if I can decide. 

That sweetness? I picked Charlie up from school midday on Thursday and we had all day Friday together. I took him to math tutoring right after school and later that evening we spent an hour reading side by side, each of us lost in our own books. Reading aloud may have

slipped away with babyhood.

Friday morning, I introduced him to acrylic paints. Just playing with the medium and noticing how it's different than Crayola watercolors. What gesso and underpainting are about. How gel medium can change everything. Green and red still make mud. Talk about building your own canvases. Art school stuff.

He wanted to paint what jazz makes him feel. All morning. Then outside for the rest of the day because the weather is so perfect that the

mosquitos moved to Alabama.

A while back, I gave him my old Ipod, still loaded with "my" music. Everything from Little Anthony & the Imperials  the Eagles.  He found the missing charger and earbuds that worked I set the volume limiter. Such a clever little thing.

  All this while I struggled to get used to hearing aids. Finally.

Exuberance

 

   Each day starts with breathwork and meditation. Then I light up my phone to see if anyone has hurked on the carpet between my bed and the bathroom. No? Boo-yah! 

Stretching before walking. Resisting the temptation to burrow back into my bed. Someone tramples over my face in the dark. Get up. Eatzees. Now!

The miracle of coffee. Maybe a leftover slice of pizza. Food. 

While Florida comes under the hammer, and North Carolina is still reeling, we are having a spell of magical weather. I even ran all the dye tools through the dishwasher.  

A hangover from childhood. Being inside on a day like today was a sin. But since Camilla can't go out yet, we take what we can get. Soon. 

Instead of rebuilding the old railing on this deck. I'm researching Catios. With a cat-safe jungle and seating for me. That fake grass will have to go!

Charlie Monday

 

"Charlie Monday" used to be a regular feature on my FB feed but I've decided to keep it here, among family and friends. 

This was the day after the storm passed. I wish that perfect days like this had names. 

You could still smell the ocean in the air. 

Charlie was picking up windfall sticks in the backyard when I noticed they had a sweetgum tree with its miserable spikey seedpod balls everywhere. 

I showed him how the leaves smelled like candy when you mashed them up with your hands. I did not recommend eating them though. He's learning wood ways from his Dad. Camping, hiking, fishing, and such.

I'm bribing him to learn cursive. There was much moaning and groaning when we started with a lovely worksheet that the school sent home last summer. Just his first and last name. By the eighth repetition, he was getting into the groove of it. I ordered a workbook and offered to pay a dollar a page for well-completed work. When I go up on Thursday--they have early release for a short Fall Break--I'm bringing a fist full of singles. 

Anchors

I started this on Friday morning, the sixth day of Camilla's disappearance. I was going to use one of the pale stone threads. Keep it all in white, silver, and black. A memorial. 

Then I dug through my threads. No stone colors in the box. I jumped directly to the color of hope without any context. I had become numb and was looking forward to getting away. I picked Charlie up at school and spent the night with them.  

I blew through Costco on the way home. After a week of impotent anxiety and sleeplessness, it felt good to do something purposeful. Power shopping, not retail therapy. Less than a hundred bucks in less than twenty minutes. There's a win.

I was tired when I got home midday on Saturday. Lolled about. Fed my face. Camped in bed to just make the minutes pass with some mindless TV.  Waiting had become a hideous habit.

That's when Camilla appeared at the dish on the floor under the screen. Her back is dark grey, the carpeting dark blue, and the light was afternoon soft. I stared hard to feel what I was seeing and believe it.

 It's been a long time since this old body&soul felt such an unbidden thrill. I've banked it hard and now I need to take some time to review. I know there are more moments like this to haul out, dust off and experience again. 

I picked the stitching up this morning and the familiar moves brought a measure of comfort. I still didn't sleep well even though Camilla was on the bed with me, by my feet while Salem held down her IKEA pillow at the head of the bed to my right. Sometimes I miss the old California King.

Not everyone is thrilled about her being home. Salem clings and grumbles if Camilla camps too close to me. 

Maybe they adapt to change quicker, without the emotional baggage that we carry. 

I have been working my way through a long list of Things Adults Must Do. It sucks, but each accomplishment feels like a door opening to something new and good. 

I'm making room--headspace--to write. 

Goals are good.