dear friends and family

I really should check myself before I post here lest you all think I'm coming unhinged. It's all true for a few minutes out of every hour and then I dry my eyes and busy myself anyway I can whether the muse moves me or not. 

There's been a lot of rooting and rummaging. We were big on stuffing things in boxes to be dealt with another day. The days are here my dear. The other day Colin and I drove into Atlanta to take most of Jim's winter and working wardrobe to an outreach program for homeless veterans. I know he would approve.

There was an actual breakfast this morning and Jake has taken up his fathers Sunday mission of making sure I have the NY Sunday times which I parse out over the course of the whole week. I've been working on our deteriorating photo archives the best I know how with an ancient version of Paint Shop Pro dreading the day when the next version of Windows will render it senseless and I have to purchase and learn something new.

Ewok costume by y'rs trly

It's been wet and cold here so I decided an old fashioned spaghetti dinner was in order so while Jesse& Walt cooked meth on the tube, I cooked up a batch of sauce and meatballs that will carry us through most of the week in one form or another. 

Later it was Earl Gray and cinnamon scones in the study for a good long stitch with cats in attendance and  Downton Abbey and then Beloved for background.

Thank you all for your compassion, support and love while I am in sadland. (Thanks for that Steve, your perfect description of this time and place)

Who was she

..all full of exuberance and extravagance?

Without thinking about the answer I would have once said "wife, mother, artist" Now I have to redefine my life and maybe not use any of those words for the time being.
Find a broader perspective.

There are baskets of beautiful cloth everywhere. At least I can still see the beauty in each piece even if I have no inclination to make. Anything. Food and clean clothing is almost too much. If it wasn't for Colin, I would have given up cooking altogether and gone raw by now.
Thank the force for Chinese takeout.

a pause for bearings

I feel like my life has been swept from under me but

I am a strong swimmer.

back in the studio - updated

Thanks for all the orders that have rolled in since I posted this. I will be sending everything out first class USPS on Monday morning so you should be seeing the goodies before the end of the week.

....after a fashion.

Years ago I wrote my own Quilters Prayer.  I'm sure it's not what people were looking for when they googled the words but to me it was never more true than now.

I'd much rather see my cloth in the hands of other artists right now so I spent the morning packing up a squad of fat baggies and will continue making them available through the holidays over at Random Acts of Dyeness. If you are sending one as a gift, make sure I have the right shipping address and I will make the package festive for you, no extra charge.

Doing what I always do when the muse has fled, shaking my moneymaker,
tis the season or so they say.

Thankfulness

Colin and I will be spending Thanksgiving with Jake & Missy and her wonderful tribe who have folded us in with warmth and kindness.

My heartfelt thanks to all of the friends and family afar who have reached out to us with messages and prayers of condolence. Every word, every gesture has meant a great deal to us.

vigil cloth

It's going to take a lot of time to discover just how damaged/changed I am.

wayfinding

After a very long and trying day I am doing some 

wayfinding with the soft and easy

Voodoo

After Jimmy came home from the hospital last week Voodoo was on constant vigil with him, mostly sleeping between his feet but once or twice a day stalking around the perimeter of the bed. 

 Not normally a lap cat, he has become one in The past months, needy and vocal in his demands for attention. I was thinking that it was just part of his dotage but he has taken on this guard duty with a fierce gravity that forces one to admit that animals have a knowing beyond human capabilities. 

When the priest came to give Jim last rites Voodoo sat at attention at the foot of the bed and his golden gaze moved from Jim to the priest and back again, over and over during the recitation. No wonder, no amazement just a steady watchfulness over his charge and the proceedings.

Bereft, he has transferred his need for contact to either myself or Colin, whomever has a warm lap in his moment of need.

Freebird now

Colin, Jimmy and Jake

Jimmy passed away peacefully around noon yesterday here at home.

We were all here with him and he will remain the largest part of my heart forever.

This was taken the day before Jake and Missy's wedding. He was so happy to have made it there well enough to enjoy the weekend. We all were.

half hearted

Jim had a serious setback late Monday night and we went by ambulance to the hospital.  

After tests and scans his doctors have agreed that any further treatment of his cancer would be not in his best interest and we are now focusing on his comfort and quality of life.

I can't thank the wonderful team of professionals at the hospital enough, although I will find the time and a way in the future. We are now in the hands of a hospice care program and will continue to live in the Golden now together, here at home, as long as love allows.

winter light

I was going to sit out on the deck yesterday and stitch a while but I could tell that the sun running lower in the sky these days would not clear the trees that stubbornly hang on to their now mangy leaves.

So, like the cats will, I pulled my rocker over into the big bent rectangle of light coming through the back door and sat there, shifting the chair every few minutes as the patch of light and warmth made it's transit.  Jimmy was napping and "Band of Brothers" ran in it's entirety on TV yesterday and I just sat with my back to the screen and let the music and dialogue take me as I worked.

I'm going to try to stay with this one until it's finished, soon. soon. While rooting in the bottom of the bottomless basket for my cell phone I found the missing piece which will be nest on the roster of things to tackle.

outside comes in

I've brought most of my houseplants  up to Jim's sitting room into the east facing window. There's probably a lizard or two in there but time will tell.


This Christmas cactus is a great grand daughter sprung from stems from my mother's plants  that I brought down from NY years ago. She has made a fine recovery from the day one of the cats decided to climb up on it and mash it into a cozy nest.

It's been a tough week for Jim physically and emotionally..the wedding, the travel, strange foods and round of chemo tossed on top just for fun. 
This weekend we rest.