vigil cloth

It's going to take a lot of time to discover just how damaged/changed I am.

wayfinding

After a very long and trying day I am doing some 

wayfinding with the soft and easy

Voodoo

After Jimmy came home from the hospital last week Voodoo was on constant vigil with him, mostly sleeping between his feet but once or twice a day stalking around the perimeter of the bed. 

 Not normally a lap cat, he has become one in The past months, needy and vocal in his demands for attention. I was thinking that it was just part of his dotage but he has taken on this guard duty with a fierce gravity that forces one to admit that animals have a knowing beyond human capabilities. 

When the priest came to give Jim last rites Voodoo sat at attention at the foot of the bed and his golden gaze moved from Jim to the priest and back again, over and over during the recitation. No wonder, no amazement just a steady watchfulness over his charge and the proceedings.

Bereft, he has transferred his need for contact to either myself or Colin, whomever has a warm lap in his moment of need.

Freebird now

Colin, Jimmy and Jake

Jimmy passed away peacefully around noon yesterday here at home.

We were all here with him and he will remain the largest part of my heart forever.

This was taken the day before Jake and Missy's wedding. He was so happy to have made it there well enough to enjoy the weekend. We all were.

half hearted

Jim had a serious setback late Monday night and we went by ambulance to the hospital.  

After tests and scans his doctors have agreed that any further treatment of his cancer would be not in his best interest and we are now focusing on his comfort and quality of life.

I can't thank the wonderful team of professionals at the hospital enough, although I will find the time and a way in the future. We are now in the hands of a hospice care program and will continue to live in the Golden now together, here at home, as long as love allows.

winter light

I was going to sit out on the deck yesterday and stitch a while but I could tell that the sun running lower in the sky these days would not clear the trees that stubbornly hang on to their now mangy leaves.

So, like the cats will, I pulled my rocker over into the big bent rectangle of light coming through the back door and sat there, shifting the chair every few minutes as the patch of light and warmth made it's transit.  Jimmy was napping and "Band of Brothers" ran in it's entirety on TV yesterday and I just sat with my back to the screen and let the music and dialogue take me as I worked.

I'm going to try to stay with this one until it's finished, soon. soon. While rooting in the bottom of the bottomless basket for my cell phone I found the missing piece which will be nest on the roster of things to tackle.

outside comes in

I've brought most of my houseplants  up to Jim's sitting room into the east facing window. There's probably a lizard or two in there but time will tell.


This Christmas cactus is a great grand daughter sprung from stems from my mother's plants  that I brought down from NY years ago. She has made a fine recovery from the day one of the cats decided to climb up on it and mash it into a cozy nest.

It's been a tough week for Jim physically and emotionally..the wedding, the travel, strange foods and round of chemo tossed on top just for fun. 
This weekend we rest.

works in progress

Although I set it aside for a while, I've come to recognize that I need to do this work, this art, for the sake of my own well being. Even if I don't always get enough sleep, even if I can't get a balanced meal,  I must take a few minutes and stitch.

Who knew you could stash your sanity in a river grass basket?

There's a clutch of twenty inch square vintage damask dinner napkins in the closet that I held back from the summers dyefests. They make great, controlled starting places. Boundaries are important to me right now.

As I make up fat baggies for the store I'm pulling out little treats and tidbits of cloth to keep for my own stash, a snip here, a sweet little passage there..most of  these will become part of the Vigil series.

devilish details

It gets too easy to fall into the cloth. Tighter and tighter into the warp and weft and all things on the periphery  fall away and lose meaning.

vigil stitching

It may not come to anything but it has a different feel. Everything feels different now. I call this "vigil stitching"; I was up most of two nights in a row with Jim.

The festivities took a toll on him and yesterday's chemo hit him hard even though his docs were happy with his numbers going into the treatment. He is better today than yesterday which is all I could ask.

One more wedding shot, my most favorite so far; my son standing with the official,  his face when he first saw his bride.