Without thinking about the answer I would have once said "wife, mother, artist" Now I have to redefine my life and maybe not use any of those words for the time being.
Find a broader perspective.
There are baskets of beautiful cloth everywhere. At least I can still see the beauty in each piece even if I have no inclination to make. Anything. Food and clean clothing is almost too much. If it wasn't for Colin, I would have given up cooking altogether and gone raw by now.
Thank the force for Chinese takeout.
9 comments:
words are not always the best thing.
You don't need a defnition. You are this amazing being who needs to rest and find your feet. The rest is yet to come. But all can wait. It takes awhile to squeeze through a button hole. Sometimes you have to turn the garment inside out to accomplish this. And sometimes you can't find the button hole and fnd something else. Too soon to tell. My heart is with you.
maybe just a simple " i am" will do for now. xo
Oh Deb, I am so frustrating that I can't come give you a hug, bring you some hearty stew or lasagne or enchilada. You will figure this all out. It will take time. You are still YOU at your core. The one who creates beauty and shares it. The one who sees possibilities where others do not. Give yourself time. It is a great gift. Sending love and know that we are all here and you are loved.
hangeth in there and be kind to yourself without judgement.
Pretty pictures and interesting musings on identity. I know this, when 'I' becomes 'she' in my own writing, fiction's door opens wide. She is free to be whoever I am from moment to moment to moment, fluid, and without limits.
Maybe not redefine at all, but evolve into 'next'...by way of adding to who you have been, are now...and will be down the trail. My heart breaks for you in this time of great disequalibrium.
Your post reminds me of one of my favorite, most brilliant pieces of writing: "Eleven" by Sandra Cisneros, which teaches that we are all who we have been along the way.
Big, big, big hugs to you.
It's hard to think of basics like food, clothing... even creating, when you have a gaping whole in your chest where your heart once lived. This is a time for healing, and it won't be a quick recovery. I'm sure you have heard the phrase "one day at a time", but in reality it is often one second at a time. Breathe in, breathe out, and do the next indicated thing. Sometimes that is being curled in the fetal position buried under the covers, and sometimes it's staring out the window or at a blank wall...
I think you need a day off.
And then another day off.
Yes to Chinese take out and yes to left over chinese take out.
Yes to house coats and candles.
Yes to cocoa.
Yes to hot bath.
Yes to a trip eventually where no body knows you.
Me too about giving you a big hug.
xx
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